There was a time in ancient ages, that witches trained by powerful Druid priests, conjured a powerful place above earth. This area was sustained by the energy of evil demons and destined to remain invisible to humans until the end of time. Its walls were fortress-like and could endure the strength of 100 billion men. Its atmosphere was bleak and foggy, and the sun was cursed from giving light to its depths. There were no seasons as winter, cold and dark, ruled in this domain. It knew no happiness and accepted no joy. It generated only death and destruction, as its visitors were left to die in a forgotten home. On its gate were words in an ancient tongue, burned into metal by the acidic blood of ogres and spells cast to vanquish all who entered its cradle to oblivion from the world. For years men have disappeared and never left trace of their passing. They have been imprisoned in what we now call…the FRIEND ZONE.
This is a hateful place that all men on earth have endured countless times. Evil women destined to control us created it. The phrase “You are like a brother…” are some of the most evil words said to men. This phrase will burn holes in souls and cause hearts to stop pumping precious blood. There must be a secret ceremony sometime after the birth of all women that gives them the directions and evil uses of the friend zone. Women have destroyed great men with this friend zone crap.
Men do not disrespect women by placing them in such an inhumane state. Men simply have “No Sex” zones. The no sex zone is user-friendly and doesn’t involve taking someone’s heart out of their chest and slowly burning it over hot coals. The no sex zone is simply that – no sex. There are really only two kinds of women – those we can have sex with and those we cannot. Those we cannot include (they should if the man is mentally stable) relatives, minors (unless we are minors), wives of relatives, girlfriends of friends (if he’s noble), mentally challenged women (unless he’s crazy too), etc. Any woman who is not directly related in one of these many categories is a woman we can have sex/relationship with. Simple. This means that men are open-minded and more willing than women to give everyone an equal chance. Men are more logical and use our brains more adeptly! Men are not exclusionary and don’t do things to make women feel unwanted or unworthy. On the contrary, we try to extend ourselves to make every woman feel that they have a chance and to raise the self-esteem of all of the women of the world.
Women, on the other hand, have been trained to crush the hopes and dreams of as many men as they can find. They abuse their gift of beauty and use it to dangle in front of us, knowing they will surely pull it away. Men are sent to the friend zone without rhyme or reason. There is not trial, no judge and no jury. No counsel to plead his case or news media to broadcast his appeal. He is cast in the friend zone and awakes separated from some woman he thought was his friend. And the sentence is the biggest treat of them all. Men sent to the friend zone are there forever, never again to see the light of day.
The friend zone should be called the gay zone, because that is how heterosexual men feel that are sent there. To a straight man, he has no better chance than a gay man to date a certain female after she sends him to the friend zone. His testicles have been removed and he is as powerless as a baby. It chills a man’s soul to realize that a woman feels no threat from his masculinity. There are some extreme cases when a man is placed in the friend zone because he has dated a friend of a friend or a sister of a friend, but most men are there because they are just men.
Throughout time, others and I have fought tirelessly to scourge this zone from within our midst. Men have died trying to breach its gates and release the victims inside. It seems the efforts are exercises in futility but I’m hoping a compromise can be conceived. I believe that the friend zone can be effective even if there was a time limit involved. Example: a man is dating a woman in college and she has a beautiful friend. In this case, in five years everyone will have graduated and probably moved on in life. Currently, this man, who dated a woman four years ago is still trapped forever in the friend zone by his ex-girlfriend’s friend, who doesn’t even really communicate with her anyway. If there were time limits in the friend zone of say 5 years, then this man would be free to date the other woman. Instead he is stuck in a place for no apparent reason forever.
Ladies I don’t care how cute you think it is to have a male friend, we don’t think so. I have no clue how women who get hit on every 5 minutes in the club because of how they look think it’s ok to be friends with men. Let’s just be associates. Yeah, Stacy Dash and I could be just friends. Not really. And as men we see the glass as half-full and not half-empty. Let’s try it our way and see if this can work out, instead of not trying and never knowing what could have been because of the friend zone. Some women are going to discount what I’m saying as untrue. They really believe that they have a male friend who is not gay that has placed them in our “no sex” zone. Seeing something is better than hearing it. Try an experiment ladies. Pretend to get drunk with one of your male friends that you truly believe would not have sex with you. Come on to him and see what happens. I bet he may want to make sure you are not really drunk and are somewhat in control of what you are doing. After he is assured that you really mean what you are saying, though he may feel badly, he won’t feel real badly until he is finished.
Men against the friend zone is our battle cry. Let’s stop this foolishness and start giving good men a chance!
Dedicated to all the disenfranchised brothers in the struggle against the friend zone.
This is a hateful place that all men on earth have endured countless times. Evil women destined to control us created it. The phrase “You are like a brother…” are some of the most evil words said to men. This phrase will burn holes in souls and cause hearts to stop pumping precious blood. There must be a secret ceremony sometime after the birth of all women that gives them the directions and evil uses of the friend zone. Women have destroyed great men with this friend zone crap.
Men do not disrespect women by placing them in such an inhumane state. Men simply have “No Sex” zones. The no sex zone is user-friendly and doesn’t involve taking someone’s heart out of their chest and slowly burning it over hot coals. The no sex zone is simply that – no sex. There are really only two kinds of women – those we can have sex with and those we cannot. Those we cannot include (they should if the man is mentally stable) relatives, minors (unless we are minors), wives of relatives, girlfriends of friends (if he’s noble), mentally challenged women (unless he’s crazy too), etc. Any woman who is not directly related in one of these many categories is a woman we can have sex/relationship with. Simple. This means that men are open-minded and more willing than women to give everyone an equal chance. Men are more logical and use our brains more adeptly! Men are not exclusionary and don’t do things to make women feel unwanted or unworthy. On the contrary, we try to extend ourselves to make every woman feel that they have a chance and to raise the self-esteem of all of the women of the world.
Women, on the other hand, have been trained to crush the hopes and dreams of as many men as they can find. They abuse their gift of beauty and use it to dangle in front of us, knowing they will surely pull it away. Men are sent to the friend zone without rhyme or reason. There is not trial, no judge and no jury. No counsel to plead his case or news media to broadcast his appeal. He is cast in the friend zone and awakes separated from some woman he thought was his friend. And the sentence is the biggest treat of them all. Men sent to the friend zone are there forever, never again to see the light of day.
The friend zone should be called the gay zone, because that is how heterosexual men feel that are sent there. To a straight man, he has no better chance than a gay man to date a certain female after she sends him to the friend zone. His testicles have been removed and he is as powerless as a baby. It chills a man’s soul to realize that a woman feels no threat from his masculinity. There are some extreme cases when a man is placed in the friend zone because he has dated a friend of a friend or a sister of a friend, but most men are there because they are just men.
Throughout time, others and I have fought tirelessly to scourge this zone from within our midst. Men have died trying to breach its gates and release the victims inside. It seems the efforts are exercises in futility but I’m hoping a compromise can be conceived. I believe that the friend zone can be effective even if there was a time limit involved. Example: a man is dating a woman in college and she has a beautiful friend. In this case, in five years everyone will have graduated and probably moved on in life. Currently, this man, who dated a woman four years ago is still trapped forever in the friend zone by his ex-girlfriend’s friend, who doesn’t even really communicate with her anyway. If there were time limits in the friend zone of say 5 years, then this man would be free to date the other woman. Instead he is stuck in a place for no apparent reason forever.
Ladies I don’t care how cute you think it is to have a male friend, we don’t think so. I have no clue how women who get hit on every 5 minutes in the club because of how they look think it’s ok to be friends with men. Let’s just be associates. Yeah, Stacy Dash and I could be just friends. Not really. And as men we see the glass as half-full and not half-empty. Let’s try it our way and see if this can work out, instead of not trying and never knowing what could have been because of the friend zone. Some women are going to discount what I’m saying as untrue. They really believe that they have a male friend who is not gay that has placed them in our “no sex” zone. Seeing something is better than hearing it. Try an experiment ladies. Pretend to get drunk with one of your male friends that you truly believe would not have sex with you. Come on to him and see what happens. I bet he may want to make sure you are not really drunk and are somewhat in control of what you are doing. After he is assured that you really mean what you are saying, though he may feel badly, he won’t feel real badly until he is finished.
Men against the friend zone is our battle cry. Let’s stop this foolishness and start giving good men a chance!
Dedicated to all the disenfranchised brothers in the struggle against the friend zone.
Comments