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Him...More than Me...

I planted that pistol at the root of her thoughts and wondered
How my life had come to this moment of execution

I ran the barrel of that gun around her earlobes and wondered
What demon in hell was laughing at my weakness

I caressed her face with that weapon and wondered
Is her heart beating that fast or is it mine

I kissed her lips with elemental cold steel and wondered
Did the world condone the shedding of her blood

I touched her hair with the hot lead factory and wondered
If her screams would precede death

I clutched the trigger with a sweaty palm and wondered
If this release from Life could Conquer death


I watched the scene in slow motion. I found her lying face down on the bed, drenching the Egyptian silk pillowcases in a waterfall of tears. Her cellphone was ablaze with incessant ringtones as callers went unanswered. I knew my own missed calls and voicemails were waiting patiently around the nearest cellular tower, awaiting their release from its fiber optic lines and ghastly metal cages. She didn’t acknowledge my presence. She never stirred at the sound of my voice. I stood paralyzed as her sobs pierced my ears and grabbed reason around its throat and squeezed miserably. The noise was death and the tears seared my flesh worse than the steam from a heated pot of grits. In an instant hatred surrounded my head like a halo and ran down my spine, striking every curve with the force of John Henry’s mallet. I called her name and she did not stir. I called his name and her body rocked with stronger sobs. The stained glass of our relationship shattered into oblivion and the breaking glass blew comets off course. The ground trembled with each step as I walked away and left a trail of blood from my bleeding heart. In an instant many nights and days of lies and excuses flung with clarity in front of my third eye and clawed at my flesh. With his death, her love was released from its soulful prison and I was helpless to endure my replacement from a ghostly angel. I never knew she loved him. As my car hit speeds of 120 miles per hour on the storm-soaked streets, I never knew she loved him more than me.

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